the girl who has it all together

When I say I know your type, I mean it. I say it with full conviction because.. well.. I am one of you. If you’re reading this, please just take in what I am about to say with this in mind.

I have a love-hate relationship with how connected I am to the world around me via various (7ish) social medias, but in the midst of scrolling mindlessly through timeline after timeline? I spend a ton of time reading other people’s words. I read loving, gushing posts about how incredible the men in my friends’ lives are, and I read discouraged posts of other friends who have just had their hearts broken and are questioning their belief in love. I’ve read countless articles on “what men really want” and “every guy’s dream girl,” but you can’t forget all the articles telling women “how to get the guy.”

I admit, I’m a sucker for a click bait title. As a single girl, while so many of my friends are falling in love and making lifelong commitments, it’s only fair that I will take whatever advice I can get… I’m not alone here, right? Well, the other day I stumbled across one that – at first – made me feel a little better about my current (lack there of) love life. The whole premise of the article was that men tend to be intimidated by women who have their lives together. I read through it once and shared it with a friend, before I really got down to thinking about it. The more I thought about it, the more it bothered me… Was the author of this post really trying to tell me that I haven’t found “the one” because I am intelligent, self-sufficient, and have my life (relatively) together? I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit.

So, this one is for you. The girl who chooses to spend a Friday night studying for that big exam on Monday morning rather than get boozed up at a frat party. The girl who worked her butt off to finish college, maybe even early, with kick ass grades. The girl who landed a great job after college, that she puts at the top of her priority list. This one is for you.

Maybe society is right. Maybe we haven’t found the right guy yet because the men we meet are intimidated by a woman who has it all figured out. But, is it really fair to generalize all men in that way? Maybe we bring it on ourselves because our standards for ourselves are too high, and we hold those around those to the very same standards. (Which in my mind, for the record, is by no means a bad thing. It’s pretty damn awesome to see women not settling, actually.) Maybe, just maybe, we really just haven’t met the right guy yet because we’ve only met the wrong ones. Yes I’m fully aware how overly simplistic that sounds, but we’re smart women – are we sure we’re not just overthinking things?

No matter what the case is, I only have one request. Don’t allow what society says about “what men want” to steer you away from figuring yourself and your life out. I’ve been the girl who was willing to relocate for a man, the girl who was willing to change her entire life plan in order to “fit” better in a man’s world. But, now I am the woman who took charge of her own life and got my shit together. I have a job I love, in a city I love, and I’m taking my love life one (excruciatingly close to Valentine’s Day) day at a time.. and I’ve never been happier. I’m fully confident that I will find a man who can put up with my sass and spunk, and who will be my biggest cheerleader – not intimidated by the h u g e dreams and plans I’ve got for this life.

Lady Gaga said, “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you it doesn’t love you anymore.” Now, I’m not sure how much I buy into that. Because on the other side of that token, your career will never wake up, look you in the eye, and tell you it loves you either. At the end of the day, your worth stems from neither a successful career or a relationship. Your worth is so much more than either of these things could ever single-handedly measure. If you are like me, and are a career driven and goal oriented woman? You go girl. But please don’t forget that you deserve to be loved, and loved hard. If you love a girl like me, who at times may seem ice cold and as though she doesn’t need you? Seriously, kudos to you. But please don’t forget that just because she may not always show it, a woman who knows what she wants doesn’t keep people around arbitrarily.

A strong exterior doesn’t mean that there isn’t a fragile, tender heart inside looking for love.
Even if we do our best to pretend like there isn’t.